dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
