I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
