why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want nice things and good sex
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
