I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
