I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize