So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
