I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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