Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Farmville is her only friend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
