There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize