I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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