You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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