you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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