I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
