I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
