Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
