i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
