I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
