You're my little dorito
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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