I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
