I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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