In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
