I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
