I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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