i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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