yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
