Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
