i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
