I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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