That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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