They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
