Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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