Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
