So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We need to get me chipped asap
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
