Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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