even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
