when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
