well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
