This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
