This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
