you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
