so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize