just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
