this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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