So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
