This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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