Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
