apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize