Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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