I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
