Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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