420 ftw
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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