I have demons in me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
