I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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