U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
