My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
