I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
