Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
