You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
