Got a toothbrush?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
