Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
