Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
