it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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