i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
