Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
