Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
