Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
