So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
