How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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