Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
