I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
