didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
