your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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