Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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