The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
