I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
should my penis look like a turkey
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
