Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
