Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
