I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
