I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
